Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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