I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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