wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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