I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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