Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
