got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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