I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
