She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
