i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
