I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
