I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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