i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
