I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
