she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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