shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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