he wants to bone in the snuggie
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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