I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
