too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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