I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize