Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
