Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
