he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
