I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
