Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
