bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize