If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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