i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
