Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
