You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize