the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
