Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
