Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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