Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
