How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
