he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
