Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
