I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
