I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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