sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
