I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
