We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
