Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
