Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
