he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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