I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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