Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's rum buckets o'clock
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
