Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
