i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
