I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
