i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
