Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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