Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
