Can i not drive my cunt home
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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