Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
