I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize