I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
