She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
so much tequila, so little girl.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize