My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
