Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
