If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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