I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
