sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
