I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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