I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
