u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
