My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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