what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
