i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
