I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
