I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
do herpes really smell.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
