if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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