Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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