What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
