When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
