I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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