she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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