She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
