Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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