i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
