11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
