3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
