Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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