I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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