i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
