He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
