When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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