Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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