i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
