they need to just BURY HIM!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
