Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize