never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
