im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He told me they were just razor bumps!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
