the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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