I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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