i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize