Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
