i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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