I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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